Stupid Cat

So the stupid fat bitch decides to roost on top of a pile of cardboard boxes in the basement all night. It's quite unusual for her to stay in one place for that long, especially because it far exceeds the ten-minute intervals she has between meals.

Then it dawned on me that it's not that she woudn't come up, it's that she couldn't.

Other cats get stuck up trees. Mine gets stuck on top of cardboard boxes. There was no way I'm touching her, the fat bitch she is. My first solution was to leave her there until the desperation for food drives her to find her way down. Then I realize that desperation may not motivate her to come down as much when it comes to her going to the kitty litter box.

With cat shit being more foul-smelling than dog shit, I had to get her down. I tried pulling her down with my dad's putter, but it only made her bitchier. At that point, I was tempted to use the three-iron, and I'm not talking about pulling her down.

Setting aside the thought of justified animal cruelty, I figured that you can't make a cat do anything unless there's something in it for her. Going back to hunger as the driver, I painstakingly piled up some of the boxes into a makeshift staircase, and made a trail of dry cat food leading down. Lo and behold, she shows up at living room.

This should no longer be a problem, and I think it was worth the pain and effort dragging and hauling those heavy boxes full of stuff into a staircase for her to use, whenever she wants to perch up there to survey her territory.

And being the cat she is, she will never use it again.