Teed Off

I never really liked golf that much.

They call it a sport, but I define a sport as an activity with a risk of injury due to the athleticism required. In golf, the only risk of injury is getting hit by a ball or an errant golf club, and that risk is pretty much eliminated by hiding behind your golf cart or your caddy. But then again, ESPN and other TV sports networks also call poker a "sport", even though the only possible risk of injury is if your dealer happens to be a ninja and accidentally slices your jugular with a card when dealing out your hand. Screw that. Golf and poker are games. But in my case and in the case of anyone who will dabble in white-collar jobs, it's also a career skill.

That is why my school program, or at least the student club, organized its first golf tournament at a course near the campus. A lot of people from the big and medium-sized accounting firms will also participate, so that the timing of this event during recruiting season makes it a great way for students to get to know their potential employers at a leisurely and casual level, and for the recruiters to gauge how valuable an employee their potential hires will be from their golf skills.

The team play rules were called "Texas Scramble". Everyone in the team starts off at the same position, and the ball lands in the best spot will be "used" as the starting point for the next stroke, and so on until a ball goes into the hole. To make sure this is a team game, the team has to "use" everyone's drive at least three times. Oh great, my team will have to deal with setbacks on three occasions because of me.

I was teamed up with a guy from Ernst & Young, a female, and a male classmate. In the first few holes, I sucked as usual, and the girl was also struggling to get the ball up; it was evident that the other two guys will be holding up the team, the Kobe Bryants to our Lakers, if you will. However, in the middle holes, I was on fire, making a series of solid, straight drives, and actually more than holding up my end of the team.

That is, except for the hole designated to be the Men's Longest Drive Contest. Go figure. No, I certainly drove that ball high and far, but it hooked so bad that I think I killed a horse in the stables across the street. Or at least gimped the horse so that the stablehands had to shoot it. Either way, that poor horse was doomed to die by my crappy luck. More glue for everyone!

Anticlimatically, the last several holes was highlighted by nothing more than my reversion to my usual crappy gameplay. I guess the sun was going down and my superpowers faded with its light.

The tournament finally ended and everyone celebrated with a BBQ and door prizes at the clubhouse. On the way back to my car to put my clubs away, I spotted a Nissan SUV parked next to the course with two golf ball-shaped breaks spiderwebbed across its winshield. HAHA! Bastard probably thought he got a better parking spot than anyone else. Well he got OWNED! (or P\/\/I\I3d!!111 in that geeky virgin online gamer 1337 lingo).

Unfortunately, I didn't bring my camera because anything expensive, me, and a golf club is a disastrous combination. Fortunately, the lovely ladies at the student club were in charge of that, so if you want to see us being a bunch of asses, go here.

During the BBQ, the tournament and contest winners were announced. We scored -3, and tied for first place of 1st annual tournament. Unfortunately, the student club (or more like the school that financed them) was too cheap to put both teams on the trophy, so we lost to the other team due to a lousy tiebreaker ruling by the pro shop, which decided by performance on the last 9 holes. Come on! We were so tired, they surely can't expect us to ace them! It doesn't matter. In our hearts, we all knew that we rightfullly co-won the prestigious first DAP Golf Tournament.

I scored a ton of food because everyone was too busy chatting and drinking, and even won a couple of door prize packages! Wow, three more times a winner! A nice KPMG recruiter also handed out some spare beer tickets, although I had to heartbreakingly pass a lot of them up because I had to drive home.

When I made it home, I was greeted with the sight of my engineer roommate's drunk drinking buddies all over the place - one in the couch and one slumped over next to the toilet (luckily not the washroom with the shower) - with my roommate nowhere in sight. He stumbled in drunk off his ass minutes later. He slurred to me that they were passed out since 10PM. Undergrad lightweights...although not without amusement value.

I should've given them my golf clubs and watch them try to drive each other's balls.