My Hairstylist Is Trying To Turn Me Into A Jedi

I decided to get a haircut today.

It's all part of tradition for the upcoming Chinese New Year this Sunday. As a new year is regarded as a fresh start, you have to tidy everything up before new year's day, like cleaning your house, taking your annual shower, and getting your hair cut.

The hairstylist I usually go when I'm home is a nice Chinese lady, and I'm usually satisfied with the job she does. We usually just have a casual chat when she does my hair. This time, the conversation subject was a little different. The hairstylist wanted to introduce me to her Qi Gong master and recommend his class to me.

That was when she started creeping me out.
For those of you who are not familiar with the concept of "qi", or "ki" in Japanese, it means "energy". Its Chinese character literally means "air" because it is believed that energy flows like air through everything in the universe. I'm sure this is among the parts of Asian culture influencing George Lucas when he made Star Wars (lightsaber=katana, Jedi garb=men's kimono, The Force=qi, etc.).

So back to my story. It doesn't sound unusual for her to simply introduce me to a Qi Gong master. After all, Qi Gong is widely practised, with significant benefit to physical and mental health. But then she went all out saying that this master is so good, he can do all these neat tricks, and how I just missed him demonstrating his skills at her salon the day before.

Apparently, his qi is so powerful that he can conjure up electricity. If you turn the lights off, he can produce sparks at his fingertips. He can hold a flourescent tube and light it up with his bare hands; my hairstylist showed me a photo of him accomplishing that feat in an info booklet she conveniently had with her. The master's qi is not only good for saving on power bills, he can apparently have near telekinetic powers. He can brush people aside like dry leaves with a brush of his hand. He can draw people closer towards him for a personal conversation. With his hands alone, he can transfer his qi energy to heal patients.

Then her awestruck conversation went to the Qi Gong master's son, to whom he has taught his Qi Gong skills. His son could also close also his eyes and see through several walls. Although both the master of his son are apparently well-connected in their homeland of China, the son is particularly relied upon by the Chinese police for his special skills in solving crimes.

Then my hairstylist tells me of a rare, once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to meet the master. Since he has schools in China, California, and here, he is making a visit tomorrow, and the school will meet at some guy's house. The master has accepted the owner of the house as a student, on the condition that he finds nine more people to join! And once you do opt to join, it's US$600 up front!! To further corroborate her claims, she says that a woman from the yoga class next door, who met the Qi Gong master at the salon yesterday, will (conveniently) be back for a visit and can testify about the whole thing.

Not too long after my haircut was finished, this white lady comes over from the yoga school

At this point, if any of you have any common sense or survival instinct, a few red flags would pop when something like this happens to you. The intense reverence expressed by the hairstylist to the point of worship, the wacky and incredible Jesus tricks the Qi Gong Master can perform, the hefty membership fee in cash up front, the recruiting method reminiscient of a pyramid scheme, having another member come and reinforce the pitching process. I smell a cult.

At this point, I might as well call it a load of phooey and leave it at that. But I wanted to see for myself what this Qi Gong master can do. After all, I can refrain from carrying any cash with me, and I will keep telling myself to walk away. But more importantly, I wanted some answers, not for quiestions about the master or Qi Gong, but about life. Are our minds merely limited to what our science has been able to adequately delineate? Are we part of something greater in the universe, and is our gift of sentience able to understand that connection and unlock its powers? If a cargo ship full of tampons sinks, would the entire ocean get soaked up?

I told my mom what happend with the hairstylist. She told me that the hairstylist has pulled this stuff on her and my uncle before, which is why she now gets her hair done by some Korean lady near downtown. Despite my mom's skeptical rebuke, my curiosity is still keeping me undecided as to whether I should go to this meeting.

To get me off the fence, I decided to Google up the Qi Gong master's name. After all, if this guy can pull off such cool tricks, he surely will be famous enough to turn up a lot of search results. Nada. I even looked up his name in Chinese. It only shows in a few directory entries on some Chinese web sites.

So I decided not to go to the gathering, depriving you all of an even more interesting story to tell. I have doubts, and I'm still a bit creeped out about what happened. Who knows what would've happened there. Maybe they'll all put on Nike shoes and black clothes, drink cyanide fruit punch, and go to bed so that they can be picked up by an alien spaceship.

Or worse, they could be a bunch of loony scientologists.