Unfresh Fruit Of The Loom
Today, I went to buy underwear at Zeller's (the Canadian equivalent to Wal-Mart, but with less corporate bullying, old people, illegal immigrants, blah blah).
It was necessary because I've been doing laundry way too often due to underwear shortages. Not just any underwear, but briefs. I've spent my whole life enjoying the crotch-hugging comfort of briefs. I've spent some time with boxers, but they are way too drafty, and with my vital areas dangling loose, I get the feeling that they just might wander off somewhere when I'm not paying attention. And I'm not just buying any briefs, but colored briefs. That's right, I'm making my life more exciting by reinventing myself. I already have colored underwear, but those don't count because they started out white.
With my purchases complete, I left the mall, and I have just pulled my car out of my parking space, this old couple pulls up to my car (their LEFT side!) and blocks my way! I honk them, but they just cut in front of me to quickly shove their vehicle into the parking space I just vacated, the very parking space that I would've left for them anyway. Fucking elderly. If I ever get old and become a hazard on the road, I'll be more than happy to turn in my driver's license. I guess they are in such a hurry because they don't have much time - whether they have to go to bed soon or they have to check in to the Underground Hotel soon, I don't know. But just because they have one foot in the grave doesn't mean they are entitled to drag us all down with them.
Without further incident, I brought home a 6-pack of Fruit of the Loom briefs of assorted colors (They come in TEAL, baby!). I was about to open the package to fill my underwear drawer, when I notice something written at the bottom:
And some lucky girl's going to have fun guessing what color I'm wearing. **SOB**
It was necessary because I've been doing laundry way too often due to underwear shortages. Not just any underwear, but briefs. I've spent my whole life enjoying the crotch-hugging comfort of briefs. I've spent some time with boxers, but they are way too drafty, and with my vital areas dangling loose, I get the feeling that they just might wander off somewhere when I'm not paying attention. And I'm not just buying any briefs, but colored briefs. That's right, I'm making my life more exciting by reinventing myself. I already have colored underwear, but those don't count because they started out white.
With my purchases complete, I left the mall, and I have just pulled my car out of my parking space, this old couple pulls up to my car (their LEFT side!) and blocks my way! I honk them, but they just cut in front of me to quickly shove their vehicle into the parking space I just vacated, the very parking space that I would've left for them anyway. Fucking elderly. If I ever get old and become a hazard on the road, I'll be more than happy to turn in my driver's license. I guess they are in such a hurry because they don't have much time - whether they have to go to bed soon or they have to check in to the Underground Hotel soon, I don't know. But just because they have one foot in the grave doesn't mean they are entitled to drag us all down with them.
Without further incident, I brought home a 6-pack of Fruit of the Loom briefs of assorted colors (They come in TEAL, baby!). I was about to open the package to fill my underwear drawer, when I notice something written at the bottom:
Reclosable BagWhat the hell is Fruit of the Loom thinking, packaging their underwear in reclosable packages!? Did they expect that someone's going to try them on for size, so they decided to make it easier for that person to put it back into the package if he didn't like the fit!?!? It's really grossing me out to think that the underwear has been pre-worn. I'm glad I have a habit of picking merchandise from the back of the shelf or rack.
To re-package: Place garments
neatly inside bag. Fold inside
flap over garments.
And some lucky girl's going to have fun guessing what color I'm wearing. **SOB**
posted by Cosmic Ocean at 2:47 AM
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